I Am Lost (And the moment Cannot last) by Jason Lytle

Mope by МультFильмы

A Wolf At The Door by Radiohead

The Great Sun by VOWWS

Long time favorite ill never get tired of, Goodbye horses by Q Lazzarus. Which is also used in The silence of the lambs, good movie („• ֊ •„) the song is hard to not sing along to

Also have listened to The Dixie Narcos to fall asleep to. They have nice songs, current favorites from them are Brain spots and Everybody has Hpv.

Misery is a Butterfly by Blonde Redhead

Lots of Aphex twin . fz pseudotimestretch+e+3 [138.85] is catchy xD

already mentioned Shinsei Kamattechan in the last log, Guroi hana is probably my favorite song of them throughout all the years ive listened.. still really like it!

The beach boys is a comfort, i think itd be impossible to not enjoy their songs no matter what genres ur into lolol .. from them my favorites are 'Til I Die and All I wanna do. i think (# ̄ω ̄) Heroes and villains is another favorite .. I really like the Smiley smile album , i enjoy the ones with a bunch of noise. so many sounds layered atop each other, fun to listen to especially when high

Black dresses is another band i enjoy. i like Ada rook's independent music too apart from the band, but from black dresses i think my favorites are MiRRORGiRL, Understanding and maybe PEACESIGN!!!!!!!!!.,, i cant count how many exclamation points the title really has xD

song Daughter, from the band Daughters. names match hehe

16/12/2023 current favorites

Ouragan and MADAME DE SADE both by POiSON GiRL FRiEND

the secret of sunflowers and cattle mutilation, strange U.F.O by my dead girlfriend

Neko No Kimochi -Cat's Mind- by Dj Technorch and Tsukumonemu VIRGIN IN, HITOBUTA, Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (all by Dj Technorch).

Don't Stop the Music by Sonic Dragolgo

Trois Gymnopedies (First movement) by Gary Numan. the version that plays in the beginning of the movie Climax. One of my favorite films :)

serge fenix Rendered 2 by AFX

사라지지 않는, 밤 by Nastyona, My September is also good

Ive been enjoying KMFDM a ton, i dont really have a favorite. All sound good.

Улицы by МультFильмы. I enjoy many songs from the artist, only language barrier makes it hard to locate xD. Облака, Бумага

I also enjoy majority of Shinsei Kamattechans discography! Have been especially into the older demo pieces on Nokos youtube, the videos along with them are really pleasing to the eye too.. have been a fan of them for a few years now, i dont think ill ever get tired xP

Love Spread is another favorite, was very sad to hear of Ryotas passing :( from them I especially like Feathers of de Javu and SAYONARA FOREVER.

Tons more whenever i discover new or just feel like sharing , i think my taste in music changes depending on how I feel. (pretty sure thats how it is for everyone...) Music is very important to me


12/01/2024 general theme was the world ending, there was a Countdown to it. i cant recall most of it but on the last day of it i wanted to be with my family but couldnt, it was making me panic a lot, i didnt want to die Alone. for Some reason my dad wasnt able to come to me but i did get to see my mother. Im not sure how to put into words what the actual end of the world was like, it was like everything was folding in half into a tight space with parts crashing and overlapping getting squished until it wasnt there anymore

Right after it i woke up in what i can describe as a waiting room ?there were A lot of people there and we were trying to find out what happened or what would happen next. i tried figuring out if it was actually happening or if it was in my head and my brain hadnt died yet, i really couldnt tell

29/12/2023 Woke up within the dream in my bed to a grown naked man making a bark-like shout before hurrying on all fours by my bed to violently chew onto the side of my mattress right next to my face. i had my eyes tightly shut and i couldnt dare open them, i was too scared of what I would see. remember really vividly the terrified feeling i had in my body the way it was making me shudder, the sensation of the chewing (?) was overly realistic and upon Actually waking up i still thought i could hear it. very absurd lol Left me shaken up and overly paranoid, searched my apartment with a knife post waking up

26/12/2023 really Uncomfortable themes of being forced into things, this dream was difficult. I felt really drowsy, was seated in the back of my grandparents' car. I had apparently called them to pick me up from some place i couldnt remember, i couldn't remember calling them either. But the plan was for them to take me home. i was acting really loopy and falling in and out of being lucid, kinda reminiscent to being high lol. Grandma suggested visiting the store to get me something to drink on the way home and i agreed. drove to a stores parking hall and left the car.

the parking garage had many floors but i remember we parked on the first one where the entrance to the store was located. But when i got out of the car i was suddenly alone on some higher floor, my grandparents were gone. I went to the elevator to get to the main floor. there was a group of people stood by the elevator and they started talking to me. I was still drowsy and couldnt understand what was going on, went along with whatever they were doing. Two men of the group took me with them, i assumed it was to get me help since i was acting out of it.

I remember walking up some flights of stairs after them, tripping on my feet a lot. they started to get frustrated with me but i was trying my best. Once we reached the highest floor they were taking me to i got really scared realizing it wasn't the first floor and it didnt look like any place where i could get help, so i started resisting following them and tried to go back down. They kept grabbing me trying to pull me up and keep me walking towards whatever they were taking me to. At that point it was obvious they didnt have good intentions so i was panicking more trying to get away but in the headspace i was in it was impossible, it felt like i had not strength to stand on my feet or move properly.

I cant really recall what happened between this part and the next ones i remember, there was some other incomprehensible shit going on but i digress . The place the two men were taking me to was some kind of hospital waiting room, completely empty though. It was located on the highest floor of the parking hall. A doctor appearing older man took me in and at that point i couldnt move. I think i was laid on one of those wheeled hospital beds being taken somewhere. He took me into a huge, very very huge lot that had beds upon beds stacked on top of each other in crazy amount of rows, the area was filled with them and the beds reached the ceilings. Tons of people laid in the beds unmoving, though they were all wailing and groaning. I couldnt move but my bed was set up on one of the highest spots, i couldnt move or make any sound, could only listen to the pained yells produced by everyone around me

That section of the dream ended and now the beds turned into seats at a movie theater. I was seated and now watching that part of the dream through the projected screen (? not sure how else to phrase it). The screen went black signaling the showing was over and everybody left their seats and exited the room, i followed after them. Opened the door and inside was an infinite seeming narrow hallway ahead, the walls floor and ceiling were indistinguishable from each other and all blended into one, red white black and grey swirl of pixelated colors. I started walking hoping to reach the end, the end being waking up from the dream. I was aware i was dreaming but wasnt able to wake up unless i reached the end of it

I couldnt reach anywhere near the ending and was taken into a new scenario, my body felt heavy throughout the whole thing. I cant remember all the scenes but after one i was back in the movie theater and attempting to exit the place so i could wake up. In one of them i was at a gas station shop, the older doctor man from the first place was there with me. His face was weirdly distorting the entire time and he was making me touch him. I couldnt resist and only went along with it, not sure what happened afterwards but i was eventually able to get out of it. I left the store and going outside was overwhelming, nothing around me made any sense. the roads were all scrambled and located in ways that made no sense . the older man followed me outside and got into a vehicle, starting to drive after me , rest of that phase was spent on trying to hide and get away from him

movie theater scene again, couldnt reach ending of the hallway, things continued to repeat with other upsetting things i had to go through, it felt like purgatory lol. had no choice but to wait for my body to wake up. I get a lot of those nightmares where i become aware of dreaming but cant wake up so i can only hope it ends soon, its very frustrating . after them when i actually finally do wake up, im unsure if its real or not, which happened this time too. the way i woke up was weirdly violent lolol i woke up to swinging the air trying to defend myself . made me laugh afterwards but the relief was insane, im glad i dont remember most of the dream now, the way i woke up felt forced and sudden like i was punched back into reality .. probably result of my sleep medication

25/12/2023 Couldnt get in contact withmy father, he wasnt answering phone calls and i was worried. I called over and over and he answered finally, he was coughing a lot .

Before that i had visited his house with mother while he was away. i collected Mail and bills and placed them next to this computer so he'd be able to pay them. mom was trying to find a journal or a diary ? So she could find out what he was doing. i said thats an invasion of privacy you cant do that and Tried to get her to stop but she wouldnt . I took out a knife and threatened to hurt her if she didn't quit which made her eventually stop and we left

Back to current time in phone call i told father We had visited the house and he got really nervous over it. Said he cant pay the bill or something along those lines and i said he should go to a hospital for the cough, it sounded bad. suddenly his voice got quiet and incomprehensible he was mumbling words very quietly and then went silent and i freaked out i knew he was hurt. i was being crazy hysterical crying over it telling mother and my sister we need to go help him but they were being very nonchalant about it, it was frustrating

after begging for a long while mother finally drove me to his place and the house was on fire. The rest of the dream i was crying trying to salvage furniture and other stuff from the house i could keep as memory. it was a sad dream. i dont know why the house caught on fire.

18/12/2023 my Grandfather had passed away due to some failed surgery and we attended his funeral, the funeral rituals were absurd . All his internal organs had been taken out and each guest were to pick one up from a separate coffin they had been sealed into and carry it in their mouth to the open coffin where my grandpa lay in. His now empty chest and abdomen were spread open and each guest were to place in their organ to their respective correct spot. i vividly remember the feeling of biting into the chunk of meat, it was oddly firm and in the dream i remember holding in my breath As much as possible so I wouldnt taste it lol. The texture of it reminded me of an apple. I vividly remember the awful smell too, i woke up feeling sick

15/12/2023 trying to kill my mother , took place in old childhood home while the rest of my family was getting ready for a trip

24/09/2023 (copied from my notes) Crossing country borders and a shooting took place. i died

22/06/2022 (copied from my notes) Shared one body with two other kids who all took control of the brain and body in turns . While i was controlling the brain, one kid controlled one leg and the other one of the arms

another one presumably from the same night, My mind was inside a vessel while my body parts were being replaced with prosthetic ones, it wasnt a painful feeling but i could feel the procedures done

This one just says ''opaque white tall woman surrounded by cows on a field''